I'm sorry for writing all of this down but I can't hold it all in any longer and the braveness is diminishing. I've been awake since 4am (again) and it's not good. I got up at 5 and sat on the sofa wondering what to do with myself. Once my brain is awake it makes me think very sad and upsetting things. I've reached a terrible low living with this hideous disease. My poor body isn't coping with all that is being thrown at it and it hurts like nothing I've ever experienced before. I have tried smiling and laughing through all of this but now I've hit the wall. I no longer recognise myself in the mirror, and that in itself has been traumatic and destroying. When your self-esteem is rock-bottom it's hard to crack a joke and carry on.
I know I've only got one treatment left and I should soldier on but no-one knows how much that is going to hurt and how hideous those days that follow are. When your body is in pain and doesn't work properly it's the most terrifying thing anyone can experience.
I'll be there in 15 min for a hug. xx
ReplyDeleteMy lovely, beautiful friend, there is nothing I can say in response to that other than we love you and are praying for you and willing things to get better for you. I wish I could do or say more........ xxxx
ReplyDeleteOh Sweetie....... I am amazed you're only hitting rock bottom now! Allow yourself! You've earned the right to feel like that. We're all here for you, but also tell us to back off if you need some time to yourself. Lots of love, xx
ReplyDeleteYou are a real warrior. They say 'even the sun doesn't shine everyday', ..so you too must be allowed a day off occasionally. Remember that being up at night is a good opportunity to get some hoovering done.
ReplyDeleteLove and love,
Leo, MKMXX
Mrs Cheese I wish I had half as much strength and courage as you do, you have so much to fight for, don't let this horrible disease get the better of you. I want to see you running in that race for life next year dragging me round! Lots of love to you brave lady xxxx
ReplyDeleteHang on in there my darling, you will get through this! Thinking of you always, big, big hugs Lindylouxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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