oncology and beyond

Yesterday I had my appointment with my oncologist (he's a wonderfully odd character). After exchanging stories of holidaying in Lllandudno as kids we got down to the business of my cancer treatment. I had a thorough examination and went through all the ups and downs (mostly downs) of chemo and radio. When we sat back at the desk I asked the million dollar question, 'has it worked?'. His answer was honest and blunt, 'we don't know and all we can do is monitor you, I can never tell anyone they are 'cured'. This has left me feeling more in limbo than ever before. I am having genetic testing and have discussed a bi-lateral masectomy and ovary removal once we have the results. I cannot live the rest of my life looking at this nasty thing sitting on my shoulder, I need to be in control and enjoy the life I've got. This has been a tough journey and just to add to my misery, I've got a chest infection...........I must have been a very naughty Cheese in a previous life!